Shrink Wrapped : Liam McNalley Edition

Interview by Renee Miller

We get a new guy and what’s the first thing we do? That’s right. We shrink wrap him. For those of you following this blog regularly, you know what this is about. For the rest of you, we developed a series of highly unscientific questions that allow us to gain insight into the brains of each Doll. Now, we just realized Michael and Liam never got a chance to be shrinked, so here we go. Liam McNalley’s turn.

How would you explain Twitter to an alien?

Since the Twitter is as alien to me as it would be to him, I’d just say “How many twats could a twitter twit tweet, if a twitter twit could tweet twats?”

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Okay… You’re walking down the street and you see a severed arm blocking a storm drain. Do you assume it’s real or fake? Why.

Depends on whether my dog starts eating it or not…

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If an alien abducted you tonight, what part of your body do you think they’d be most confused by?

Hey, I’m an old man, what wouldn’t they be confused by? All seriousness aside, I’ll keep it clean, and say the rock hard callouses on the fingertips of my left hand, (and not my right,) otherwise known as “guitar picker fingers.”

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What are the least dramatic circumstances it would take for you to kill someone?

“Seriously, officer, it was an uncontrollable reflex… the bastard annoyed me while I was reading.”

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**Yes, seems totally reasonable to me.**

Tomorrow you wake up and you’re the opposite gender. What’s the first thought that comes to your mind, and the first thing you do?

First thought: “My beard! Nooooooo!!!!!!”

**Maybe they’ll let you keep the beard…**

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First thing done: I’d say “Ima be rich!” Then I’d realize that nobody is going to want a 60-year old hooker, and just lapse into depression.

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**Yeah, we see what you mean.**

Ink blot test: Tell us what you see.

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That’s easy. It’s a moss covered skull rising malevolently from the midden.

Of course it is. Well done, Liam! 

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Shrink Wrapped : PJ Blakey-Novis Edition

Interview by Renee Miller

We get a new guy and what’s the first thing we do? That’s right. We shrink wrap him. For those of you following this blog regularly, you know what this is about. For the rest of you, we developed a series of highly unscientific questions that allow us to gain insight into the brains of each Doll. It’s P.J Blakey-Novis‘s turn, and he did not disappoint.

You’re walking down the street and you see a severed arm blocking a storm drain. Do you assume it’s real or fake? Why?

I would assume it was fake but, in the hope it was real, definitely would have a closer look. Logic says that it’s unlikely to come across a real, severed arm, but morbid fascination would hope for the genuine article, and whatever story is behind it. And if it was sporting a nice watch, that would be a bonus.

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Okay, you’re stranded on a desert island with the last five people you talked to. Cannibalism is inevitable, so let’s skip to the good stuff. Who gets eaten first?

The last five people I spoke to are a girl in a shop, my wife and our kids. I’d have to eat the shop girl first, as it would disturb me the least. I don’t think the kids would be happy about me eating their mum, so they would have to be next, all at once. They don’t have all that much meat on them, but I reckon we could get a weeks worth of dinners off of them. Then my wife and I would have to slowly eat each other, prolonging the inevitable for as long as possible.

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**Well… yes. That’s eerily logical. *no one take any trips with Peter***

Next question: If an alien abducted you tonight, what part of your body do you think they’d be most confused by?

My brain. It confuses me, telling me things I don’t understand and making up stories. I don’t even know if it’s actually attached, or is another sentient being just living in my head. I certainly finding myself telling it to be quiet, or having arguments with it aloud. I can only assume it looks like a brain, and not some black goop with an evil grin.

**I can take a peek if you want. Just so you know what it looks like…**

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Which reminds me, we were wondering, what are the least dramatic circumstances it would take for you to kill someone?

Boredom. Especially if they a) chew with their mouth open, b) constantly talk about themselves, c) try to sell me a religion.

**I think you might be my spirit animal.**

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What? I read that wrong again, didn’t I… my bad. Let’s just forget I said anything. 

Moving on…

Tomorrow you wake up and you’re the opposite gender. What’s the first thought that comes to your mind and the first thing you do?

 It’s not all that imaginative, but without hesitation I would masturbate. Probably for a long time just to see how multiple orgasms actually feel. Then I’d go around telling people what I think if them, as they wouldn’t know who I was. Unless I woke up female but with my face; then I’d have to hide in a dark room for everyone’s sake.

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And finally, the most revealing question. Look at the inkblot and tell us what you see.

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A blackened heart, with two holes driven all the way through, like a little bit of light in all the darkness.

**Huh… yeah. I totally see that too. **

Anyway, welcome to the group. If anyone’s curious about our new member *giggle*, feel free to cyber-stalk him. Start here.