Wouldn’t we all love to ask a reader that? Especially those one-star jerks who leave NO EXPLANATION AT ALL? Yeah, you guys suck. In case you’re wondering, here’s one question we’d ask readers who didn’t like our books. Except Michael, who has to make sense and be rational all the time.
Michael: I have no questions. He or she has bought it so have every right to opine.
Katrina: There was one reviewer who couldn’t believe ALL DARLING CHILDREN was published because apparently it was so bad that anyone who okayed the publishing was obviously stupid. I’d probably ask her what put her in such a bad mood that she needed to be so horrible. It wasn’t as if she was criticizing any one or two things; she was just being shitty.
Christian: What’s wrong with you? Are you some kind of fucking dunderhead? Hello? McFly?
I’m kidding. I have no idea what I would ask them. If someone doesn’t love you, you just have to accept it. You can’t make them love you. Bonnie Raitt was right. I tried that before and ended up with a body buried in the garden.
Steve: “The fuck’s your problem, jack? Got a small penis or something?” I was once drinking with a friend who asked this question to a particularly petulant doorman. The question got his nose broke in answer, but it was worth it, I think. (Although it wasn’t my nose, to be fair.)
Liam: “Hey, if your favorite book is To Kill a Mockingbird, what in hell are you doing reading my stuff anyway?”
Renee: Where did I lose you? How can I get you back? Please love me!
Just kidding. Seriously, I’d want to know what it was that turned them off. Sometimes, it’s just a matter of they didn’t like it and there’s nothing I can do about it.
So, basically, when leaving reviews, don’t be mean. If you have to be mean, at least explain where the author went wrong, so that they never make the same mistake again. Let’s turn this around now. Readers, what’s one question you’ve wanted to ask an author about a book you hated? (You don’t have to name names or books, just put the question out there and maybe you’ll get an answer.)