As many of you know, we’re planning a virtual party on Facebook on September 17th, to celebrate our new books and to thank you, the reader, for supporting us. Event details can be found here. To “gear up” for said party, each of the dolls have written a little bit about our favorite titles. And, just by reading and then sharing and/or commenting, you’ll be entered to win a free book. Don’t forget to TAG US via Facebook or Twitter when you share!
When I started writing Mind Fuck, the goal was one thing: hilarity. I had a very loose outline but the character of Milo Smalls was fully formed in my brain. He was perfect. Nothing could change him. No ONE could change him. He was the star. No one else.
My problem was he was too awesome. I needed characters that challenged Milo and created the right kind of “foil” to make him shine. That meant they had to be way “out there.” All of the characters in this book are outside the realm of normal, which means the average reader is unlikely to have much in common with them. To solve this problem, I gave them quirks, habits and thoughts similar to the ones we hide every day. And then I exaggerated these traits, so they “seem” more insane than the rest of us.
The characters are what makes this book so awesome. (Not just in my opinion. Readers agree, so stop with the doubty face.) So let’s meet a few of them, shall we?
Also known as Doctor Death, Rochelle runs a therapy group Milo’s police captain sends him to. Problem is, Rochelle might be crazier than the people she’s treating. Her list of quirks:
- Obsessed with cats. And I mean she LOVES cats. Collects them.
- Control freak
- Fears heights
- Bumpy surfaces make her uneasy
- Fears light bulbs
- Believes if everything is perfect, then nothing will happen that she can’t control. The problem is, the more she tries to perfect her patients, the more out of control they become, and the stronger and more violent her desire to fix them becomes.
Andy is my daughter Kennedy’s creation. He has an uncontrollable urge to lick children. Now this isn’t based in sexual attraction. Andy simply has to lick children. The rest of his shit? Does he really need more? Fine.
Andy is also whispers all the time, and he’s extremely insecure. He desperately wants to fit in, but the licking makes that impossible. How many of us just want to fit in, but have something inappropriate or awkward about us that prevents running with the pack?
Ozzie is my favorite character next to Milo. I wanted him to be offensive, but funny. Someone that challenged Milo where the others only perplexed him. Ozzie is a little bit me, a little bit my father and (don’t tell her) a tiny bit Katrina Monroe. He blurts profanity as naturally as he breathes. He’s also intuitive, smart, blunt, and empathetic. The person people “see” on the outside, a rude, insulting dick-smack, is nothing like the real Oz. Few people would bother to find that out, because they let his “first impression” make up their minds.
- Afraid of farts, because of a childhood prank gone horribly wrong
- Dislikes the number 8
- Compulsive gambler
- Sorts everything by color and size
Estella is infatuated with Milo. Her fear of fingers and being touched, is an exaggeration of one of my quirks. I hate feet. My feet, your feet, all the feet. When someone touched me with their foot, I feel irritated. Almost angry. A bare foot touching me? Ugh. Violent thoughts begin. Bare feet touching MY bare feet? I can’t even.
I gave Estella the same issue with fingers, but to a degree so intense, it affects how she functions in daily life. She bit off her own fingertips, for example. The rest of the group has to wear mittens just so she can focus. However, while Estella can’t stand fingers, she also has an overwhelming need to be loved. The aversion to fingers makes that extremely difficult. She lives in a constant state of anxiety. In addition to that, Estella also has a compulsive urge to rub whiskers and she believes dreams are really ghosts speaking to you. She doesn’t like ghosts.
Nina was supposed to be a love interest for Milo, but as both characters developed, I realized her promiscuity would spark Milo’s phobia of germs, which meant they wouldn’t work well together. So, she became a character who added color to the setting and other characters. Sometimes you need one of those. (Although she ended up serving a greater purpose later on) She seems extremely confident, but is more frightened little girl than highly sexualized woman (although this is the persona she presents to the world). Nina is a nymphomaniac and a hoarder with a really bad memory. She can also be a massive bitch, when she feels threatened. She symbolizes everything we’re told (as women) not to be, as well as the things we’re told we should be.
I guess you could say that Buggy’s phobias and compulsions mimic our struggle with what we know is good for us, versus what we desire despite that knowledge. Buggy’s fear of green is so intense; he wears special glasses that filter color, because he completely loses his shit if he sees it. Like, full on nervous breakdown. He also has an irresistible compulsion to gorge on broccoli, while fearing it because he knows it’s green. We all know how it feels to want something we know is bad for us, right?
Charlie was a last minute addition to the cast. I wanted a character that symbolized the annoying stereotype of the alpha male, but exaggerated to show how silly it is. And we got Charlie, who loves to put his dick in holes and lies because he just can’t help himself. He’s basic. Selfish. Thinks with his penis. Has to put it into whatever hole he can find, regardless of the danger it presents to his physical well being. He’s absurd, but charming.
He’s also afraid of toes and doesn’t like the sound a zipper makes.
We don’t see a lot of Shamus, but what we do see is definitely memorable. Shamus is a sensitive and trusting man. Like an overgrown child really. He tries desperately to overcome his compulsions, but in the end, the poor soul can’t resist the overwhelming urge to bite the heads off birds. At the same time, he loves them. So, while he wants to hold them, pet them, admire them, he also destroys them in the most horrific, unsettling way possible.
Finally, Milo. He’s a little bit of everyone I know and love. He’s exceptionally smart and intuitive, and he’s observant, mistrustful, honest to a fault, curious, and stubborn.
At work, his previous captain prepared a list to help future coworkers deal with Milo without any… awkward situations.
- Writes ONLY with pens, because he doesn’t like the impermanence of pencils
- Doesn’t trust technology: The Internet is an absolute “nope” and he loathes the cell phone he’s forced to use for work.
- Loathes change. Routine is his best friend
- Likes things in groups of three. Sees this is a good omen. Hates groups of two. Believes two means bad things are going to happen, and more than one group of two means that bad thing will be worse. Having one left over isn’t as bad as two, but it’s cause for concern, “because there’s one left over.”
- Suspicious of gingers. His suspicion increases to uneasiness and even fear depending on the level of ginger. For example: Strawberry blonds are the least harmful ginger, giving him only a mild sense of unease, while bright orange gingers are the most dangerous.
- Fearful of cats (most furry animals make him at least a little nervous, which stems from how dirty he believes they are)
- Believes rap music is the cause of society’s slow but steady destruction and is like poison for our brains.
- Feels uncontrollable rage in the presence of jelly donuts
- Avoids long-term relationships. Is a little too impulsive when it comes to anonymous sex
- Photographic memory, yet he still keeps meticulous notes on every case. Writes everything in notebooks (which are the same color, size, type, etc. If one is damaged, he rewrites it. If he can no longer buy the same type, brand, etc., he replaces all of the books)
- Obsessive need for cleanliness. This is so severe, he won’t or drink from anything that is not disposable and packaged. (In other words: Only used once. By him.)
- Dislikes nail biters and ankle socks.
- Tweezers give him the heebs.
- Despises bow ties.
You might think that these issues would make Milo a total shut-in, or it would at least inhibit his ability to solve crimes. Think again. Milo actually uses each of these quirks to help him solve cases. Those that he can’t, he bravely tries to overcome in the name of justice, proving if you feel passionately enough about something, nothing will hold you back.
Oh, look at me motivating the masses. I’m a good person.
I’ve left out Joy, James, and of course, Captain Cunt. You’ll have to meet them on your own.