Calm Your Tits and Just Feel the Tingle

by Renee Miller

 

I can say calm your tits, because I have a vagina, so piss off.

Today, I want to discuss the Hugo awards and all the shit festering around them this year. But first, let me be completely clear: I don’t support the sad, rabid puppies or whatever ridiculous name they go by these days. Maybe I’ll start further back, in case some of you are living under rocks, and explain a little about these groups.

The Sad Puppies is a movement that claims to want to make the Hugos great again. They campaign against the Hugos limiting what genre fiction should be. But while they claim to want to diversify, when you break down their comments, rants and such, you’ll see they’re essentially about defining the science fiction genre by excluding all who don’t fit into their rather limited ideology, which, it seems, includes only stories about space exploration (whether they’re well written or not). Of course, that’s just my opinion, which is humble and mostly unimportant, because I don’t share the religious or political views of the Sad Puppies.

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So, let’s discuss the Rabid Puppies… those naughty dogs.

They appear to be a group of individuals who oppose diversity and would rather live in a white male dominated world. Wait…

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Never mind that. My take, after reading countless blogs, comments, articles, etc. is that they’re essentially trolls that aren’t worth stressing over.

Some people say the Sad Puppies are merely a front for the Rabid Puppies. Some, including both groups, claim they’re separate entities with similar beliefs. I don’t know what the truth is. For me, the fact that the Puppies, sad or rabid, exist at all is sad, and I don’t support their movement or anything they’ve done. Hear me, people who skim and don’t read everything all the way through? I DO NOT SUPPORT THE PUPPIES. Got it? All right.

Why are we discussing them at all then? Well, for the second year in a row, the SP/RP have “gamed” the Hugo Award nominations, which, for those in the sci-fi and fantasy industry, is a pretty big deal, by getting Chuck Tingle’s Space Raptor Butt Invasion nominated for a Hugo Award. When I saw the nomination, I laughed. Hard. I laughed some more. And then I wiped my eyes and realized people are pissed about it.

PISSED.

hulk

 

 

Some feel Mr. Tingle should bow out. Let someone “more deserving” be eligible.

Hmm.

Let’s look at the word “deserving.” Who decides that? Not me. Not you. Well, sort of. Deserving is a subjective term. (For those of you who get subjective and objective confused, subjective means based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinion.) What I feel is deserving, someone else might say, “Hmmm, no.” and vice versa. Deserving is a matter of opinion.

Moving on.

The Puppies wanted outrage, I imagine. They wanted a shit storm. In some ways, they got it. Lots of folks out there are suffering panty bunching of epic proportions, but for the most part, what this little stunt got was amusement. Why? Mr. Tingle is a pretty popular guy, and if you’ve taken the time to read his work, you’d see why. He’s fucking hilarious. Weird. Raunchy. Deliberately ridiculous. And did I mention he’s fucking hilarious. Anyone who has a sense of humor about things finds the whole thing at least a little bit funny.

And let’s remember, if any of you are still experiencing issues of bunched panties, last year the Puppies didn’t get their way. Not entirely. Last year, Hugo voters chose to give no award in several categories that were dominated by Puppy nominees. Yes, this ensured “deserving” authors didn’t win either, but let’s remember, the Puppy nominees also went without an award, which wasn’t their intention.

I’m bored with the Puppy discussion. Are you? Cool. Let’s move on. I decided before I offer my opinion on this matter, I should read Chuck Tingle’s Raptor Butt book. You know, so I could fully appreciate his deservingness (not a word, I know) of the nomination. In my humble opinion, it’s not terrible. The setting is good. It had some backstory, some “feels.” It had pretty decent dialogue, and the sex was kind of okay. All right, the sex was funny.

With lines like,

“You ever think about what it would be like to fuck a human.”

“Yeah, I mean, who hasn’t?”

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And…

“Pound me like the homo spaceboy that I am.”

oh my

It’s comedic gold. And after laughing my way through Raptor Butts, I picked up his follow up, Slammed in the Butt by My Hugo Award Nomination. Yes, it’s ridiculous and raunchy, but he takes some shots at himself and the erotica genre. For example:

“At the end of the day, this is still gay erotica, you’re gonna have to get pounded.”

And when the MC tries to “get to know” his Hugo Award nomination, the barista who is the author replies,

“It’s cute, I get it, but we like to come in at four to five thousand words for these things. A date’s probably going to push us over the word count.”

And then there’s lines like:

“Sure, he’s penetrating deep within my throat, but he’s also penetrating my heart.”

applause

What I’m saying is I admire Mr. Tingle’s comedic talent. That’s not an easy thing to master.

And I think for other authors to demand he withdraw (pun intended) is ridiculous. For one, he didn’t nominate himself (or did he?), so why should he? This is on the Hugo voters to sort out. Just as they’ll have to sort out other unfortunate nominations. I mean, a lot of people are pissed that My Little Pony got a nod too. Let’s remember, short form is usually full of comic book shows, not a cartoon about rainbow pony magic and shit. So imagine the outrage when those happy little fuckers got a nod. (I hope the sarcasm in these lines is translating here.)

pony jerk off

At the end of the day, this isn’t about an erotic comedy author usurping the Hugo award nominations. It’s not about deserving or not deserving. This is about politics, as most awards are. Sorry, guys, but speculative fiction awards (as well as awards in most other genres) is often politically driven. The awards rarely go to “deserving” authors (unless that author is Stephen King), and as long as popularity and politics play a factor, it will always be an unfair process. Am I whining? Never. It is what it is. (And what it is, is an ass load of bullshit.) Oh, almost forgot: that’s my humble opinion.

Don’t worry about Mr. Tingle or the ponies. If they win, well, then you can get the riot gear ready. Don’t forget to kiss your mamas goodbye, boys. Odds are, though, Raptor Butts and Pony Love won’t win, because the universe isn’t that funny.

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